


To Go Forward, One Must Go Back

by U848587



Category: Naruto
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Self-Insert, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, WTF
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2018-12-02 18:54:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11515386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/U848587/pseuds/U848587
Summary: She awoke in a hospital bed, they told her that her name was Kikaku Hatake; the wife of Kakashi Hatake, and things just got more confusing from there because she is not from this world and WTF is going on?





	1. Konohagakure

**Author's Note:**

> The Muse bit me so I had to type and then it decided to bite me again with a couple ideas and to just combine them all. Apologies if this is just a giant never updated Idea. if you like it, you have permission to take it--just send me a link to yours so I can read it and enjoy it with popcorn.

When she wakes, its to an aching skull and the world is too bright.

Someone was also holding her hand, she knew this because their grip tightened when she woke. "Kikaku?" a man's voice begs.

It wasn't what she was expecting. For some reason she was expecting to hear a motherly voice, but this voice was not motherly nor fatherly, the sound of this man's voice brought no recollection to her memory. In fact...who was Kikaku?

This thought brings with it recollection.  _She is Kikaku Hatake._ Part of her though, does not feel like this is correct, she is not Kikaku. 

Her eyes squint open, she forces them to adjust to the ungodly bright white of the room she presides in. It is a hospital room, if the white washed walls did not give it away, the smell and machinery would have. She must have gotten hurt. She curls her toes and counts her fingers and finds herself short. Panic grips her. Her hand jerks out of the man's hold and reaches to where her arm should be, except it is missing, only half of it remains. 

Arms grab her and the man yells out for help, her breathing is frantic and she struggles to escape, tears gather in her eyes and suddenly someones glowing green palm fills her vision and she slides back into the darkness of sleep. 

* * *

 

When she wakes the man is not there this time. She is glad. The Reason is simple. She suffers not only from a lost limb but amnesia.

The doctors explain that she lost her limb during a mission two weeks ago, and had suffered from blood loss and chakra exhaustion that sent her body into a resting coma. She would be on medical leave until her memory returned, but she could choose to be medically discharged after if she could not overcome the lost arm. Then they kindly told her that Hatake-san would not abandon her and would be there every step of the way. 

"Who?" She asked. Though she suspected she already knew the answer. The man who had said her name when she first woke up, the man who held her down when she started to panic, the man whose last name she shared.

"Your Husband, Kikaku-san, Hatake Kakashi."

* * *

 

She runs. She escapes the hospital, stumbles through streets awkwardly holding her shoulder because her balance is completely off, and she just runs. She runs until the crowds thin, she jogs when the building get further and further apart, and she walks when she see's fields of grass and a giant wall in the distance. With the mountain at her back, a wall at her front, and surrounded by nature instead of people she begins to breathe easier.

_I'm not even winded._  The thought makes her sit down, more like fall down intentionally on her rear end, this missing arm thing was going to take a lot of getting used to. She pushes that dread to the back of her mind, she cannot deal with that dread yet, right now she needs to focus on why the thought of not being winded is so surprising. There is something there, something that is trying to click, a memory. 

**_Her name is Johnny, she is Twenty Six, she hates exercising especially running._ **

_My name is Kikaku._

**_Her name is Johnny._ **

_My name is Kikaku?_

**_HER NAME IS JOHNNY, SHE IS TWENTY SIX, SHE HATES RUNNING--COULDN'T RUN FIVE FEET WITHOUT  BEING OUT OF BREATHE...WTF WAS GOING ON?_ **

_Her name was Johnny, but these people told her that her name was Kikaku, she could still be twenty-six but she didn't think to ask before running. She'd been in some sort of work accident? Except, they said it was a mission...who calls work missions?_ There is so much information flowing in one ear and out the other, that she can't completely process it all because it is all **Johnny** and not enough _Kikaku_ , and she knows somehow that _Kikaku_ balances out **Johnny** , that _Kikaku_ can explain **Johnny**.

"Kikaku?" Its that man's voice again, Hatake Kakashi, her husband. 

She takes a deep breathe and releases it. Did she dare turn around, or maybe she should run again? No, she needs to turn around, she needs to face him. Kikaku married him, that was a commitment, in sickness and in health, she might not be able to remember him but...she couldn't explain it. This sudden, driving need, to not be abandoned by a stranger and not abandon him.

So she turned her head and looked up into a pair of dark slate grey eyes. His eyes were beautiful. His face, hidden by a mask was perfect. His hair was Silver and defied gravity. but something about him was perfect.

What? Why? None of what her brain was babbling at her made sense. Her eyes widened in alarm and she leaned away from him. "What's happening to me?" she whispered. "I can't remember anything, but I know its not normal to be so drawn-?!" He raised his hands slowly and crouched down.

"It's our bond." He Began, his finger lightly tapped an area in his upper chest and she felt the same tap on her upper chest. She flinched. His finger curled and he looked at her with a great aching sadness. Oh, how she needed to make everything right. _This Bond is really scarry, like holy-shit I can't think straight with him, WTH?_  "Our Soulmate Bond. We can talk about it in more depth later, but for now, lets just go home and rest."

Rest sounded like a good idea actually. It was like a switch had been flipped, her body exhausted, and she was to tired to stress out. Her head began to pound again, so she bent forward and stood. 


	2. Revelations

"A Soulmate mark appears when the two people touch for the first time. We...we met on the battlefield. I...I had just lost another teammate, and you...you helped me recover. You're always helping me recover." Kakashi whispered. "It's hard to wrap my mind around the thought of you not knowing anything about us, about anything...but I can see it in the way you look at me and at things...like you're seeing them for the first time." His shoulders sagged and he seemed to sink further into his couch.

His apartment...their apartment was nice and simple, with little personal touches everywhere, and pictures. Loads of pictures, pictures of simple mundane things, like Kakashi sleeping, him and another man playing Ja Ken Po, another of someone on a date glancing back with suspicion at whoever was taking the pictures...and there were pictures of her. Her and Kakashi, helping bathe a pack of dogs, her painting a pugs nails, there was even a silly one where her hand was running through her hair. 

She couldn't help but feel guilty that she couldn't remember any of this. This life seemed perfect. 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi watched Kikaku take in their home with a strangers eye. He watched the way she gripped her shoulder for balance as she paced around, and though the footfalls were too heavy and not hers, she was still stopping and looking at the things she used to. His heart ached in his chest as she examined the picture she took of him and Gai playing Ja Ken Po, she smiled at that picture everyday, it had been her brilliant plan after all for the challenge. 

He watched her dark brown eyes rest on her own picture, the one he had taken, _'let me guess, so you won't forget what I look like when we're pulling a long one?'_

She fingered the nail polish in front of Pakun's picture, oh how she spoiled his dogs, _'Kikaku's gonna be alright, right boss?' Pakun whispered, looking up to him for reassurance._

Should he summon the pack? Would that be too much, or would they help? Watching her soft smile at the picture of the pack, he decided he would bring them out later, after warning her.

Kakashi watched her flex her jaw, her tongue rolling along her teeth, and he knew she was getting thirsty. "How about some tea? Even with that bump to your head, I bet you still drink it as disgustingly sweet and cold as ever."

Brown eyes glanced up, "Sweet Iced Tea?"

Kakashi nodded. Some things were still there. Even if he did wish she had lost the memory of that drink.


	4. Chapter 4

Kikaku sat before the Kotatsu table as Kakashi went to make tea, she grabbed the Yukari and slid her feet under scooting closer so she could sit with her legs crossed. She laid her remaining arm and palm flat over the surface wondering if the table would also be warm. **Johnny had always wanted a Kotatsu table, she'd always planned to save up one day to buy one.**

* * *

Kakashi watched Kikaku's eyes light up with joy when she saw the kotatsu table, something she had demanded that they get a long time ago, and just like she had than she placed her arm on the table to see if the top was warm as well. He chuckled, glad to see a sign that his love was in their somewhere. As he prepared the tea, he made a seperate cup just for her. 

_"Are you sure you don't want any, Scarecrow, you could grow to like it,"_

_"Tea is meant to be drank while it is still warm." he hissed, watching her drink 'iced' tea with horror._

_"No thanks, don't want to burn my tongue,"_

* * *

Kakashi placed her cup in front of her, she picked it up and took a small sip, humming happily at its sweetness. "Thanks," she said. She took a moment to gather her thoughts, wondering what they should talk about first or if they should talk at all. Kakashi scratched his left hand, and a shiver ran through her _because she felt the same sensation but she didn't have a left hand!_

"It is way to early for Phantom Limb pain so please, explain this bond thing in more detail,"  she demanded, her hand danced over where her left would have laid, and she desperately wished she could scratch the itch she felt there. "And please stop scratching."

"I'm only scratching because of you actually," Kakashi laughed. "You've been experiencing the Phantom limb all day, its been sending signals like crazy through the bond, but you've been ignoring it every time you notice. You focus on something else." Kakashi sighed. "But I can't stop focusing on you right now, not after I almost lost you."

So he began to explain the bond in further detail, how certain things would echo across (She wondered if that meant sex would actually be awesome, but then decided she didn't want to know until her memories came back), How he knew she was in trouble and had rushed out of Konoha without permission to save her. "I felt the blade slice through, I knew your arm was gone because I couldn't use mine for an hour as I ran. When the bond went silent I was so frightened that I had actually lost you too...The pack helped me track you down the rest of the way, you'd passed out from chakra exhaustion and blood loss. You know the rest." He'd brought her back to Konoha in the nick of time and she had survived.

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

"I have to test a Genin team tomorrow, but once they fail I'll be able to focus on you until you get better." Kakashi said, opening their bedroom door, he glanced at the bed wondering if he should sleep on the couch. He opened the closest, but before he could grab a spare blanket Kikaku's hand grabbed his with Ninja speed, she shook her head.

"I'm not mad at you, so why would you sleep on the couch," She said, looking around the room, wondering where her stuff was. She frowned at the closet because for a second the fog had lifted from her brain and she had known  that they kept extra blankets in the closest because she insisted that they occasionally needed a change in what blanket they were using.

**Johnny's mom had taught her there was no such thing as too many blankets, but Johnny didn't want too many blankets she wanted her couple of favorites or else she would have no room because of all the blankets.**

She couldn't wait for her memories to return, but she also knew it was going to be a long hard road ahead.

"Wait a sec..."Kikaku glared at Kakashi,realizing he had mentioned testing a team. "You are going to give these kids a shot right, Scarecrow? You promised." She was confused after the words left her mouth, they felt natural to say and something told her he had promised to teach a team; and she understood that a Genin team was a group of kids that had finished ninja training and would slowly be trained further on how to be a ninja.

**Johnny swore almost every single academy student was a slytherin-in-training-to-be-a-ninja, some were straight up ninja worthy already, and a few just needed to give up playing-ninja. She was only here to get stronger, it was the only way to stay alive, once she was strong enough she would leave.**

Kikaku was still glaring at Kakashi in confusion, wondering what had changed Johnny's mind, but she figured maybe it had been Kakashi.

__

* * *

Kakashi watched the confusion play across her face after she'd asked him about his promise. He swallowed, his heart clenching because she was coming back in bits and pieces but she still wasn't all here with him yet. He had promised to give the next team a chance, Kikaku had told him it would be training for when they had a kid, Kakashi pointed out he had plenty of training with the pack.

_"Kids aren't like dogs Kakashi," She said, giving him a look that said he was stupid to even think so. "They demand food, sleep, attention yeah, and you gotta train them on how to talk and teach them how to read." Kakashi raised an eyebrow, still sounded like puppy training to him. She sighed, and dragged a hand down her face letting him know without saying how exasperated with him she was. "Trust me, it's not the same."_

"I guess I did promise," he sighed. He'd have to get someone to watch and help her though. He thought maybe Gai, but decided he was to exuberant for her recovery at the moment, perhaps Kurenai-ahh, but she and Asuma would have a team just like him...he'd find someone tomorrow while he made his team wait.

 


End file.
